Melissa Allen


Great Article on the Secret to Long Term Relationships

Being in long term relationship is an ongoing commitment both to yourself and your beloved other. It is a learning experience and an opportunity for deep personal and shared growth. This article is worth the read. It provides a powerful and useful summary of the opinions of 1500 successful long term couples who have gone the distance of many years together. There was a few key points that stuck with me personally. I liked the distinction that is made between couples together for shorter duration to other couples from longer term partnerships. Couples who have been together for less time noted “communication” as key which was different to those couples who have more years on the board who noted “respect” for the other as the most key ingredient. While both are key, this article points out that when you are in it for “the long haul,” good communication is only part of the solution. The person you love needs to ultimately be someone you deeply respect. Through all the twists and turns that come with sharing many decades together, it makes sense that having an ultimate and enduring, deep respect for each other – including respecting each others work, interests, hobbies, needs for space, needs for social outlets, rhythms, idiosyncrasies etc.
I also thought it was useful to read the reflection that “…Happily Ever After doesn’t exist. Every day you wake up and decide to love your partner and your life—the good, the bad and the ugly.”

When I think of all the cycles in nature I am reminded of all the expansions and contractions around us. Our lungs expand and contract, the arteries and veins in our bodies also expand and contract. Summer and Spring are seasons of expansion. Autumn and winter are seasons of contraction. The tides come in and go out. The waves rise and fall. It makes me realise the same occurs in relationships. The final reflection in this article speaks to this. the call to just “ride the waves” of relating. The loving feelings can and do change. The rhythms of relating are in a state of flux. All the waves are worth riding and moving through. Everything is always in a state of movement and evolution. What a wild adventure it can be.

Every successful relationship is successful for the same exact reasons — Quartz (

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