Unless you are in relationship with a carbon copy of yourself who agrees with everything you think, feel, need and want at the same time as you think, feel, need and want it, then at some point over the course of your relationship you are likely to bump up against differences. These differences may create challenges at some point. Congratulations for being a regular, normal couple!
Couples counselling is for ALL COUPLES not just when you feel like things are “on the rocks!”
It is also a great thing to do when the relationship needs some fine tuning. It might be to learn how to reconnect, communicate or just take time to explore “how are we going? and how can we do this even better?”
Coming to Couple Counselling does not mean your relationship is doomed, in fact it is quite the opposite. It is a place for personal growth, (Re)connection to yourself and each other and the creation of clarity.
Coming to Couples Counselling means that you have identified that it could be helpful to have a neutral third person to facilitate the process of navigating through the challenge or stuck place you are in.. That’s it! That doesn’t automatically translate to “we must be over” at all. In fact, two partners that agree to come are actually saying to each other “this relationship is important to me and I am willing to deeply explore what is happening between us and within each of us.”
Couples Counselling helps all couples through the normal and predictable challenges of relating to one another through all the twists and turns of life over time.
Of course it’s a great way of getting help to work through challenges and “stuckness” if that is there for you. That said, it is also a powerful space to be in when there is no major crisis unfolding, yet there is a need to take stock of things and press a “reset” button. It is a great way to tune in to each other again or take a moment to debrief experiences you have been through but haven’t yet processed.
A non exhaustive list of Reasons couples may come to therapy include but is not limited to:
– Learning more useful ways to manage conflict
– Learning healthy ways to communicate feelings and needs
– To gain support to disclose information to each other that feels hard one on one
– Making big decisions together
– Because life gets busy and we just need to rebalance and rediscover each other and our friendship again
– To grieve a loss together
– To discuss and emotionally process after a big experience or transition.
– To be a support to each other and manage through a crisis
– After an affair
– After a divorce or separation to complete and gain clarity and closure regarding the ending.
– To make a decision about whether or not to separate or repair
– When considering having a baby
– When considering whether to marry
– Prior to marriage for premarital counselling (to create a clear roadmap for our future life and explore our values)
– When a first baby (or subsequent baby) is born and the couple relationship is trying to recover and adjust to this change (!!)
– To get assistance with issues of parenting
– To get assistance with managing in a blended family unit (step-family)
– When partners find they have different, conflicting needs
– Challenges/changes with sex, sexuality, intimacy and connection.
– Nothing is “wrong” but we want a monthly or bimonthly “tune up” to check in with each other
– When one or both partners have experienced trauma and it is impacting the couple relationship
– To understand how our core attachment styles influence how we come into relationship with each other (our automatic, default ways of relating)
For more information about the specific types of therapy that I use, please check out my About My Work page.