|Today we are talking about:
How to lean in after conflict
So you know what it is like: It may have been a fight with a partner or a conflict with a friend. It may be a rupture with a work colleague or a neighbor.
In this moment, when you don’t know what to do. Let’s talk about THAT moment.
Step 2 – Determine if this relationship matters to you and if you feel invested in its repair.
Step 3 – Think about “what is it I feel?” and “what is it I need?” for this to move forward.
Step 4 – If you feel calm and have decided the relationship is important to repair and have determined what it is that you feel and need, then you could try a “feedback sandwich” for this person.
A cheat sheet looks like this:
“Since our last conversation I noticed that things have fallen flat between us/still feel tricky. I imagine that you walked away from that chat feeling….[insert descriptive words about how they may be feeling – validation].
The repair after a conflict is more important than the rupture itself.
It takes effort and energy to recover after a fall out. It takes two regulated humans to manage their own emotions, not project their reactions onto the other and to sit in the discomfort of the repair process in order to grow a relationship.
You keep asking and each Wednesday, I will answer.
Leaning back in after a conflict
WHY DOESN’T MY BRAIN SEEM TO FUNCTION WHEN I AM STRESSED? Understanding the neuroscience of stress and how it affects our brain. So here is
The short answer is, start now with the end in mind. This question talks right to my heart. See, in the not-too-distant past, my beloved